Grim. Underwhelming. Hopeless.
These are just some of the words that describe Québec’s political landscape as we prepare to vote tomorrow. Dear elector, fear not! You can ease your addled mind with zlog’s handy guide to the parties and their campaigns, discussed here in a random order I’ve selected.
Because sure, every party claims to be not as bad as the others,
but which one is truly the least-worst fit for you?
A slick, modern campaign. Maybe those aren’t quite the right words. By slick, I mean patently xenophobic. By modern, I mean archaic.
Pauline Marois has all the answers to questions no one is asking.
Worried about Quebec’s crumbling infrastructure? We’ll ban the hijab!
Rampant corruption? More French-speaking immigrants, of course.
Massive public debt? Don’t fret, the crucifix stays put.
Our language, our religion, our culture, our paranoid insecurity. Seriously, these guys are partying like it’s 1969. Except that a formidable mind like René Lévesque knew better than to apply language laws to CEGEPS. Also, the rest of us are now living in 2012. Quelle farce.
T'es qui toé?Poster-based Analysis: I have no idea who that woman on the posters is. From some angles it sort of looks like Pauline Marois, only 30 years younger. Apparently, c’est à nous de choisir massive airbrushing. An apt metaphor for the PQ, though: there’s what you see, then there’s what you’ll get.
On a Scale of One to Ten: yaaawn.
Well, one thing is certain: never has there been so much CAQ on voters’ lips. Naturally, some people jumped right on the CAQ, some warmed up to CAQ over time, while still others simply aren’t interested in CAQ at all. We’ve watched it rise slowly and grow ever bolder. We must ask ourselves: are we ready not only for CAQ, but for a CAQ with balls? (OK, I’m done.)
But seriously, Legault casually mentions making doctors work more or cutting pharmacists’ pay like it will be all smiles and sunshine. In reality, they are setting up some long, public battles. Dismantling school boards? Yeah, good luck with that.
As for corruption and waste, hey I love the idea of cleaning this place up. Now where might we find the apolitical outsider we’ll need for that gargantuan job... I know! We’ll go with a former PQ minister. Brilliant.
Finally, sovereignty. If the CAQ forms opposition to a PQ government, it seems they would defend Canada will all the passion the tea party has for Mitt Romney, if that. Would a focus on the national question at the expense of corruption and deficits quickly turn the strong and firm CAQ we send to Quebec into a limp, listless, and ultimately useless CAQ? (OK really, that was the last one. But the point stands.)
Every CAQ candidate is orbited by a mini-Legault 24/7.Poster-based Analysis: Someone over there has got to learn how to use Photoshop. Awkwardly sticking a miniaturized, differently-lit Legault behind each candidate might have seemed like a good idea, but I don’t know how. I guess they needed him in there. (Note that the party’s official name on the ballot will be “Coalition avenir Québec - L'équipe François Legault” - a page ripped out of Mario Dumont’s playbook).
On a Scale of One to Ten: meh.
The problem with the devil-you-know is that he’s still the devil.
To wit:
- The PLQ has done nothing to stem corruption - quite the opposite, one might posit.
- It has done little to alleviate either the budget deficit that plagues the province’s finances or the trust deficit that plagues its polity. Northern development is a good idea, for instance, as long as we trust the people running things.
- It calls itself the Liberal Party, yet introduced a law that is a monstrous affront to liberty and to liberalism. All while failing to treat student groups as legitimate negotiating partners and appearing indifferent to the concerns of tens of thousands.
- Its leader seems as enthused about his job as the vomit-mopper at La Ronde.
To top it off, it now presents this false choice between “democratic institutions and the street.” Inasmuch as those exercising rights (even such minor ones as free speech and assembly) are not infringing upon others’ rights, the street is a democratic institution - one that many people have fought many tyrants throughout history to protect. This, any liberal should know.
I know some good people in the PLQ, but right now it’s more worthy of a swift kick in the ass than a vote. Seeing them rewarded for this performance would be a tough pill to swallow. Like one laced with asbestos.
tiny logo = running scaredPoster-based Analysis: Note the miniscule size of the PLQ logo. This is because their brand is in the toilet (and just might stay there awhile, under a heaping pile of Charbonneau). The focus on local candidates is perhaps their best hope. Indeed it’s one of two reasons - the dearth of federalist options being the other - that I may end up voting PLQ despite myself.
On a Scale of One to Ten: ugh.
The adorably righteous rump of provincial politics. (Kind of like the federal NDP...oh, never mind.) I admire their civility, beaver-kicking aside, and even some of their ideas. I do not admire their knee-jerk opposition to anything having to do with the private sector and anyone working in it.
They are the kind of voice you want at the table, but not at its head. And come to think of it, that beaver kick was just juvenile. Finally, from a purely strategic point of view, you have to wonder how much the Marxist-Leninists will eat into their base
Poster-based Analysis: The best posters. The grainy, not-looking-at-the-camera style reinforces the idea of a different kind of politics. Having the only issue-based posters is also a nice touch. One suggestion: the next time you settle on a picture of Amir Khadir, make sure he doesn’t look vaguely psychopathic.
;)
Nice. / Also nice. / A little scary.
On A Scale of One to Ten: ௧/壹 (Québec Solidaire believes the Arabic numeral system has been corrupted by misogynistic Western corporate interests, and accepts only to be judged on a more culturally sensitive and inclusive numeric scale. Seen here, the Tamil and Vietnamese numeric symbols for “1”.)
OPTION NATIONALE
Not so subtly Nationale, so not an Option for me. At least Aussant seems clear, consistent, and inclusive when he speaks about an independent Quebec. 
Huh, what's that say?.....screeeeeeeeechPoster-based analysis: Too much small text. Possible spike in road accidents among potential supporters attempting to read signs.
On a Scale of One to Ten: Oh, I don’t know...trois?
I like these guys because they seem upbeat, consensus-driven, federalist, and not the current PLQ. If they had a candidate in my riding, I’d probably vote for them. So that’s one thing: get more candidates next time. An html version of the platform would be nice too.
Poster-Based Analysis: Oh yeah, you’ll also need posters.
On a Scale of One to Ten: C+
SO...WHAT TO DO
None-of the-above is an attractive choice, but not really an option. You should probably vote for whomever you think will make the best MNA for your riding. If we can manage to send a critical mass of good people to Quebec City, some good things might happen, regardless of partisan nonsense. Or else just write in “Jean Lesage.”
FINAL PREDICTION
Wildrose majority